It’s been a while since I did much of a personal update on here. With book nine of the Peninsular War Saga almost ready to launch, the Christmas short story written and work underway on the new Age of Sail book for Sapere Books, I thought I’d take time to let you know what’s been happening for me.

I’ve mentioned a few times that this has been a difficult year. Some of that has been family matters which are now much improved, but a big part of it has been my health. I’ve suffered for years with osteoarthritis in both hips and they’ve been getting steadily worse. I’ve always taken the view that pain is manageable and while I can still get out and about, life is good.

At the end of August, I had a fall and then another one. Quite suddenly the pain went off the scale and my mobility decreased very quickly. I went to the GP and had x-rays. There was nothing broken but my arthritis in both hips has moved from moderate to severe. My right hip is the worst and I’m now having to use a walking stick because every now and then it just gives way.

Working from home as I do, my ability to write hasn’t really been impacted that much. Occasionally I forget, and it’s only when I stand up and the pain hits that I remember. But there’s so much else I can’t do. My life has been turned upside down in less than six months.

I can’t walk my dogs. Those of you who have followed me for a while know that Oscar and Alfie, my two Labradors, are the joy of my life. Winter is a favourite time for walking, since they love splashing through puddles and racing up and down a windswept beach. I miss that with a permanent ache in my soul.

Housework is incredibly difficult. I can’t haul the vacuum cleaner about any more, and everything has to be done one-handed so that I can use my stick to balance. Cooking is okay if it’s something quick, but I need to sit down in between which makes more complicated meals a trial.

Gardening is almost impossible. I ask other people to rake up leaves and tidy beds, and there are bulbs in my shed which probably aren’t going to get planted this year. I’m so sad about it.

I don’t sleep. I doze off but wake up every time I move in my sleep and the pain knifes through me. I have strong painkillers and they work well for a few hours, but the effect wears off long before I can take another dose. I’m sleep deprived in a way that I’ve not been since having a new-born baby and with far less joy.

Everything is difficult. Shopping, laundry, tidying the house. There are other people who can step in and pick up the load but I loathe the loss of independence and the sense of helplessness. I’m a naturally happy, optimistic person but sometimes now I just can’t maintain that.

There’s a solution of course. I need a hip replacement. Actually I need two, but the right hip is the one causing most of the pain so that needs to be done first. It needs to be done now, but the NHS on the Isle of Man is in the same dire state as the NHS in the UK and the wait is unbearable. I’ve been told by my GP that it will take at least a year to see an orthopaedic consultant. Until that happens, I don’t even show up on the waiting list. That list is likely to be years.

We’ve spent months discussing options. The cost of private treatment in the UK has risen sharply over the past few years. We’re both self-employed, with no company health plan. Funding it ourselves is the only option. After a lot of research and a good deal of heart-searching, I’ve decided to travel overseas, where I can get a very comprehensive treatment plan for around half the cost. I could never have imagined doing this a few years ago, but I’m desperate enough to try anything now.

The Nord clinic in Kaunas, Lithuania has been remarkably helpful and easy to deal with from start to finish. They’re seeing so many people like me coming from the UK that they’ve refined their system so that it works seamlessly. After the operation I’ll stay for seven days physio and rehabilitation. I’ve joined a patient group and got to know a number of people who have been through this process and their stories are very reassuring. I’m scared but I’m determined.

It won’t surprise any of my readers that I’m already working out how to set a Napoleonic short story in Lithuania. I mean I’ll be laid up. I’ll have to have something to do while I’m there.

So why have I shared all this, when generally I like to write fun stories about my dogs or lovely walks through the glens of the Isle of Man? It isn’t really because I wanted to vent about the unfairness of it all. I have family and friends I can share that with. Mostly I think it’s because I hope it might help some people who are also struggling with this. I’ve felt very down about it. Almost desperate at times, as the people I love carry on their lives around me and I’m marooned here, in a place where I can’t be myself any more.

What I’ve learned from this process is that paying for private treatment for something this painful and disabling is no longer exclusive to the rich and privileged. I’ve talked to people who have taken out loans, dipped into their pension pots and even tried crowdfunding in their desperation. One lady sold her home and downsized because she valued being able to walk over a bigger house. And these, like me, are the lucky ones.

I can’t stop thinking about the people who can’t manage this no matter what they do. They’re reading the news about further cuts to the health budget and wondering if they’ll ever walk properly again. Their joints are deteriorating along with their mental health and the operation gets more challenging with every year’s delay.

There’s no quick or easy solution to this. Some people rant about how useless the NHS is. Other people are angry about that and list all the ways it has worked for them. Some blame fifteen years of Conservative government. Others blame all the things Labour did wrong before that. I can find bits that make sense in all of this, but the truth is that we’re an ageing population; the NHS hasn’t worked well for years and the abandonment of almost all healthcare during lockdowns has left a backlog which may never be cleared. There’s no point in apportioning blame. Looking for solutions would be far more helpful. I don’t do political debate in public and I’m not going to try.

I’m incredibly grateful that my amazing husband is completely supportive and will be with me every step of the way. I’m lucky that we’re in a position to afford this, though not especially easily. I can look forward to a time when I can walk my dogs through a forest again.

In the meantime, my brain is mostly still working and I can still type. I can write about people scaling mountains and hauling on sails, even if I struggle to get to the back of the garden at times. I’ll keep everybody updated on progress. Wish me luck and expect to learn some information about Lithuania during the Napoleonic Era along the way.

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